A few of the details of work in my part of the St Abbs Art exhibition., which begins tonight at 6pm in the Ebba Centre. I am proud to have been included in this community event and look forward to meeting other artists and makers.

For more details go to; https://www.facebook.com/EbbaCentre

This post was beginning as an arty one… But, I am returning to normal (ish) after a week in hospital . A sudden spinal problem on top of the usual wonky bits ended in an ambulance trip and a black hole in the usual routine. Thankfully the artwork was completed beforehand or we may have come unstuck! Two days ago it was beginning to feel like this new pain gremlin was a  hurdle too many ,  a route through frustrating and seemingly never ending and worsening symptoms, with little hope of anything changing. If you have one condition, at the appropriate age , you’re fine.

Chuck in a couple of them.. early.. at a time when your peers are running about with their young children and working in their hard won careers, as should you be, and the course gets trickier. If you can stand pain for any length of time before they operate or fix you, is deemed chronic.. If you then get labelled chronic..any new illness is tagged onto that and is belittled and categorized as symptomatic of illness ‘A’. regardless . You can become part of bigger drain on resources simply by accumulating further conditions,your health, sleep and fitness deteriorating because of a lack of interest in the source of the problem.

I don’t believe in feeling sorry for myself but ……….oh man!!!

You should be patient and tolerant and try to battle on but when the decisions of a medical system , or lack of decisions are literally breaking you into smaller pieces.. There has to be a moment you say ENOUGH!!!! I am done with patience!

I was starting to hear myself giving up. I was beaten. I heard the negative voices of every bully I’ve ever met re-asserting their hold, proving I was less worthy than they were, and undoing all the wonderful creativity you and I have shared since I stopped living that reality. … I started to give up on believing this can be better. Pain does that. And if you lose your grip without telling your friends.. well that’s what happens when you stop trying anymore

. 

Because you know what?

That's not me. 
I was forgetting who was right there in the middle still.

I might be little, a bit delapidated, incredibly sore, and have a mountain to climb.. but I remembered..

I have an army of people there too. And without them I couldn’t do any of what I do. I write this for them, I think about them all the time and they are the reason I got through everything so far. My daughter, face-book family, my neighbours, my art group and my friends.

A simple comment on my facebook page letting people know I was in hospital with no pyjamas , resulted in an anonymous delivery of new nightwear, underwear, a bag of toiletries , fruit and chocolate. It was an unimaginably lovely thing to do, and so so appreciated. Another took time to visit, and bought me yet more wonders and pyjamas, another sent a wonderful book and another took me home, remembering pillows for my spine. Others looked after the monkey and the zoo. And kept the house ticking and restocked for returning. I am humbled by the good of people and of how, in adversity we have the gift of changing someone’s experience for the better.

So, this time we don’t take no for an answer. I am going to stop worrying what I haven’t achieved, who I haven’t phoned, or written to, and what anyone else is thinking..  I will try and remember to be as kind to myself as you are! And, I am going to focus on gaining some physical strength over the next few months. My inspiration is you and I want to make our art-space happen. I will update progress on here and also let you see new artwork as it unfolds. And I am going to get some answers.

With love Liz xx