If you only see the rain as rain coloured.. It can only ever dampen your spirits.
In the last five years, there have been moments where my resolve, my faith in the universe, the very belief that anything would ever be ok again was tested to the limits.. over and over..I don’t want or need this to be a place where you read about all the sad things I went through, or the pain from surgery or the path to finally getting to be a mum. Or the negativity at work, or becoming disabled ( and the combination of the two.)
It isn’t important what has happened. What is important, is that it wasn’t in vain and that I, like you become armed with the strength of what hasn’t killed me has made me stronger.
Because without those thunderstorms, I wouldn’t know how to feel the fuzzy early morning harr on my arms so acutely .. as I’m watching Skye dig up imaginary dinasaours in the sand. I know that it was all part of a bigger picture. Perhaps , for some, a journey might be simpler, easier, mine had to include the experiences it did, for the next chapters I had to make.
I have learnt how to find compassion and tolerance when I could be forgiven for feeling angry and hateful. I learnt that it isn’t my choice if you have a bad day. But I will be kind.
You can get to the other side. You are actually allowed to be happy. Taking your eye off the one huge thing you want wont stop it happening… What I learnt, was that you have to keep knowing you deserve it, to hold it in your mind and then .. live
and keep on doing that..
All I have is what I know and what has been shown to me through the stories you share. The big final ending, the big dream, the wonder you know you can one day have when everything else is fixed and perfect and complete… Its a movable feast… It changes with the weather, it will be what you want, but also probably, take the odd detour or passengers on route , It will come… and it
can only be possible if you notice the rainbows on the way.. the people in your corner, the colours reflected in the puddles. The journey will happen regardless , but the more belief in the small joys, the pressure to arrive at the final destination becomes less huge, and you will arrive with more of you in tact . Believe in your possible and then jump in puddles. xxx
Do your gardening in your pyjamas.