I believe if you are supposed to be/do/get somewhere.. you will.. if you put in the effort and get out of your own way. ..Sometimes things are worth waiting for..
Somehow the more we stare at something directly, the less likely it is to move.. or boil or in fact perform.. Life is what happens in the margins of your essay.. pay closer attention to your doodles..
And sometimes you have to make, remake and make something over and over again. You thought it was done and it breaks, or you have to walk away or it burns down ( a friend had this happen recently… a terrible ordeal, but she has told me a little re- modelling isn’t a bad thing, or your dream disappears, or it gets given to a passing traveller ( yes my first caravan literally was sold without my knowing for £100 with all my grandparent’s stuff inside) … ( wierdly as I have written this.. twice I’ve lost all the content and had to re- write…. )
But you start again. …
I could write an entire blog on the patience needed to create this one… Ten years of trying, multiple broken dreams along the way.. But she has existed now in her own special way for nearly ten years now!! A to B to create the perfect family home is often a circuitous route through the rest of the alphabet…………
I made this home twenty years ago. For the family I thought I was making. I was fit, hopeful and full of dreams. I also taught high school full time.
It was meant to be the big chapter, the one where it all comes together. But there is only so much fairy dust can do.. and after it not turning out quite as planned, when we left it, mini and I left with a carrier bag. Hope, trust in a support service and a hotel with a big bed and an extremely lockable door…. it was the scariest day of my life. My friends told me to leave…. It was just a house.
But, a few months on, we created this house. …
And for five years it was our hug house. It built us back up and we evolved together, getting to meet some amazing people on the way. .. Again, personal issues followed us , and the stairs too were also getting tricky on crutches, … so after it was clear we needed to jump again, we decided a dream life by the sea was the only sensible choice.
The house sold in a week of being on the market and we had to find our dream home
( and the cash to buy ) it in twelve weeks..
…………we wanted something like this
And I wrote an awful lot of affirmations….. Kept believing it would be ok and kept an absolute focus on what it would be like…
But you can give them the occasional kick up the bum…….
We stumbled on this little number last February after driving around the area for a week…. And we saw its heart and potential…….
The estate agent rang the next day, after we had only seen it for ten minutes. I heard myself saying I would buy it….
A year on; This is our house now.. There are many days I hurt too much to move my hands or, in the winter, most of my limbs.. so when there is some energy, I go for it. Paint, rest stop, paint, plant, rest , stop, paint , put washing on, feed someone, paint, stop, etc ….
Lately as the weather has been kinder to limbs and there has been no school or homework for small person.. I have mostly been out here… making this kind of thing… We have loved being outside creating, painting and planting , from early in the morning to a chorus of chirruping Starlings.. It hurts, but it hurts whether you keep going or whether you give in. Armed with voltarol and pain patches….
And for the beach Hut obsessed of us…
In a few weeks, the exterior makeover should be completed by a local painter too, with a few extra bits I have been painting. When we moved here, a neighbour asked me why I was doing so much to this little house. It was quite simply meant to look like this. Our things have come home. As have we. And I don’t know when the good days will become less and less often. If you get poorly, better to have flowers to look at than gravel. And if you can’t change the world right now, at least you can paint a pattern on it..
Enjoy the home you make with each and every one of your senses and have a great Summer. Enjoy the sunshine, some things are worth waiting for. xx