'Some of us are normal
Some of us exist
Some of us have schedules
Some of us have lists '
'Some of us have real jobs
Some of us have plans
Some of us paint paper
Not the side of vans'
Ah but not all purpose
finds a nine to five
feeding minds with wonder
keeps us most alive
Taught a thousand faces
Held a thousand hands
Squeezed the whole damn rainbow
All I make I am
A lie - in feels unholy
There's just too much to do
Write and paint and teach stuff
All we share with you
It could have been the end of hope, those initial diagnoses. A forcing of my hand to halt a career , one that I had worked and studied hard for; I had a structured life . An excellent job, a mortgage in my name, a new life re-built after escaping a tough marriage but leaving a beautiful home) . . I now was alone with a child, responsibility, a career . Everything to be proud of. Everything to lose.
Then I got diagnosed with both types of arthritis .
Early retirement from teaching wasn’t in the plan. Rather than run an Art department, I was being coerced into feeling useless by a council wanting cheaper, fitter staff.
Positivity only gets you so far..
So there we were, a single mum with a 4 page prescription, and a tribunal against an educational society that looked set to trip us up at every turn.
Pain and immobility seemed to be obvious to people only when I was enduring yet another surgery. And of those there were many. Succumbing to an illness set to get progressively worse, it’s constant fatigue and crippling ways should have been inevitable. How could we expect and create a comfortable life now?
Sink or swim?
What would you have shown the little girl holding your hand ?
We won the tribunal. And I took early retirement. (From teaching in High school ) The Freedom we crave when we work every day should have been sweeter. But there are rules.. supplementary income rules. Earning enough in the few hours I felt ok wasn’t possible, and certain income affects other income.
But we weren’t banned from sharing Art. I taught community enterprise Art classes everywhere. Children, adults, Art in Mental health groups, Art in hospitals, and kept making and creating in between the school runs and choir practice. Profit always went back into rent and materials.
Fighting and beating the system was just the beginning. The funds , little that they were , made up the shortfall for a new mortgage, a new life by the sea , and a continuation of creating through various community teaching, two regular blogs and personal creative development. Even covid didn’t stop us. Our Seasparkle classes and zoom art groups carried on throughout the two years we barely saw anyone.
Lupus and arthritis are tricky beasts to explain . If you have any kind of autoimmune disease you will understand, how you can look relatively ok but you feel like you are walking around in the wrong body (if you can walk- which I am personally not great at any more!) Some sunny days you can almost believe you feel fine . Until the meds wear off and a massive wave of fatigue kicks in. Other days, the pain can be so bad you can’t move, cancelling plans, rendering you dependent.
In 2016 I began writing this blog, talking to people about the positive effects of creativity, documenting classes, telling stories through poignant images and photographs . The feedback was so very welcome, and writing became a way of life , along with more illustrative work, painting and the felt pieces I was known for making .
I found the bits of day I had energy -first thing, resting when my daughter was at school, working again in the evening . I taught children and adults in community groups all over Scotland, I organised Art exhibitions and craft fairs . I became Dalkeith arts coordinator, starting new groups when we moved house. I painted and wrote every day. Even in my hospital bed, during extended stays which were common.
The huge move to Devon took enormous patience . Living in tiny chalets for a year while the house was settled . Every day I wrote poems in the bath (my happy place) – painted every morning , taught remote classes for the class I had left in Scotland .
It is amazing what you can do in the smallest slices of time, even when your patience is waning
Moving into this, our hopefully forever home – has been an endlessly creative journey. Not only is the Art on paper, but here is art on the walls, art on the stairs, and yes, art on the side of a caravan …
And now we are creating spaces to make and teach even more art. The journey from dreaming of ‘Liz at the Beach Hut’ to being here, in this warmer climate, has taken many many twists and turns.
And always, the best and most inspiring part is meeting and working with you. No artist is an island. Without the mirror of your creative joy, and productivity, we wouldn’t be where we are. Whether you work from home, remotely or sit in an Art class, you inspire me every week to carry on teaching, learning and being lifted by new friends .
With the boundless energy and support of my partner and best friend, the trials of life continue here as we add to each new project.
Our limitations make us value the time and energy we do have. Each morning is a gift. and because it isn’t always available, we must value our achievements fully. When a friend jokingly said ‘some of us have a job’ ( Didn’t I?) the other day, my first instinct was sadness. I felt too shocked to joke back. But I realise we aren’t aware of each other’s lives, schedules, if you don’t tell people you don’t ever stop working – how will they know?
Sometimes what we do isn’t obvious. Not many of us are great at self promotion. Sometimes it’s the same with how much pain we are in. For me, I have pain all the time, to some degree; sometimes it is mumbling, other times it is so sharp and angry it stops me in my tracks, stops my breath, makes me shake, makes me cry. I don’t feel as able as the world rushing around me. Because I know to some degree I’m not. But I am still whole. I’ve learnt to like me the way I am . Sticks and all. And if you are in ‘The Beach Hut’ physically or as an online friend- there are no exclusions.
Being inspired, inspiring others, making, creating, writing, painting, building and shaping a space to share, connections with likeminded people, a safe place to forget pain and stress for a while- that is more than a full time job.
It is everything …..
Unfortunately and sadly, a little like parenthood – the pay is pretty rubbish !
Our journey has been a long one. At times we have had nothing and nobody. But we had the ability to see and celebrate the little things . In turn they became a body of Art . Wherever life plonks you; whatever anyone else believes is best for you- do what you love, and keep doing it.
Because only you can
In your own inimitable style. xxx 😘
With all our love Liz and the zoo
Liz at the Beach Hut